The single greatest parenting hack – backyards – are becoming extinct. We’re losing our roots, literally and figuratively.
As a kid I spent HOURS outside. I would ride my bike in circles. Pick grass and feed my imaginary horse. Spent so many hours in the pool that my tan makes me unrecognisable in childhood photos.
Private green spaces are fast becoming a privilege. Not just in cities but in the suburbs too. I used the term green space specifically because new builds often have a sliver of ‘backyard’ but they’re always built up. Covered in concrete.
I understand why. We don’t have the time to maintain any sort of nature. Keep a plant alive? I’m barely keeping myself alive. Ironically, a lot of my chronic stress would probably be alleviated from spending time in nature.
As a society we are so removed from organic environments that medical researchers are BEGGING us to ‘ground’ each day.
If you’ve never heard of grounding, it’s the practice of allowing your bare feet and skin to touch grass each day. Studies, such as THIS ONE found positive connections between grounding and the treatment of chronic inflammation and illness (combined with medical practice).
A lot of us try to get out in nature every day, maybe sit in the park to eat your lunch etc. But you’re still wearing shoes in that instance which means your feet touch synthetic materials ALL DAY.
It’s sounds kooky but I’ve tried it and I’m not embarrassed to say it significantly improved my moods and overall stress level.
However, for me and many other people with young children, finding a home with some sort of yard to ground in each day is almost impossible.
Every week I spend hours taking my toddler to the park. There’s packing the nappy bag, travel back and forth and then the time spent playing.
Regardless of this effort I was beginning to feel depressed about my success as a mother. Why does it feel like I’m never getting anything done? And then I realised.
For my daughter to play I have to be completely present. I can’t drop her off alone at the park down the street. Whereas my mother used to simply open the back door and we’d run wild. She had time to accomplish her task list whilst keeping an eye on us at the same time because we were right there in the backyard.
Without an adequate yard I don’t have that option. And without a million dollar home (probably more) I don’t have a yard.
Everyone from professionals to parents are concerned about the impact of screen time on early childhood development. We KNOW children, hell HUMANS, thrive when they spend more time outside and more time engaging in gentle movement. Yet we continue to allow developers to squeeze us together like sardines.
Let’s say you are one of the privileged that finds a beautiful house with space for a yard. Did it feel off? I’ll tell you why.
As a society (me included, I spoke about this in my Italian AirBnb review), we have come to expect perfection. We’re expected to be perfect people and we expect our possessions to work like new at all times. If they don’t, or if something breaks or even we just see something better, we simply toss it and buy the new thing. Amazon and Temu have conditioned us to expect new to be accessible.
But in my grandparents generation they got their family home and they STAYED there. My childhood backyard had so many imperfect spaces but that’s what made it fun.
There was a GIANT rock in a random spot in the yard, not even in the centre, that was too hard and too expensive to move. I’m sure it frustrated my parents but for me it was a stage for dancing and a counter top for potion making.
Want to know why your grandparents garden feels like home? That’s because it’s built in stages. Layered year after year with care and intention. Their garden is great because it has a ‘lived in’ feeling. It’s made with memories.
Tenants, landlord, stressed home owners, we all hate garden maintenance and opt for minimum landscaping. We push down our plant preferences and instead throw in the economical option. That’s why our spaces feel lacking, because they are.
We don’t have the capacity to create a feel-good environment after all our other responsibilities. But we also miss out on the benefits from having space to explore nature right outside our door.
The extinction of backyards isn’t just a residential planning and design issue. The loss of space is an epidemic that will ultimately lead to the destruction of our sense of identity.
Courtney Cheyne is a freelance writer covering health, travel, parenting, home and reality TV. She’s lived in 2 countries, 7 states and moved 32 times but is currently located on the beach in Australia. She writes engaging stories inspired by real life events.